Several years ago, in what seemed like another lifetime, I was employed as a member of the clergy within a local congregation. As I look back upon that time, I remember a few folks who used to gather with us that made me quite nervous. I used to think that I didn’t like these specific people, but the reality is, I was afraid of them.
What Really Made Me Nervous…Was The Look In Their Eyes
As you probably know, our minds can be quite deceptive. Sometimes reality is so disruptive and unnerving to us that our natural minds attempt to create an alternate reality that is much more palatable for us to digest. When it came to those few individuals that made me nervous, that is exactly what I did.
These few individuals didn’t seem to fit the mold, so to speak. They didn’t look or act like the rest of the congregation. They didn’t seem to be impressed with the ‘production’ we put on each week like the others were. Sometimes these individuals would even dare to approach me and share what they perceived the Lord saying to them. Often, what they shared with me challenged my preconceived notions about many things.
While I seemed to have the ability to sway the opinions of others quite easily, these few individuals would only embrace something if they perceived the Lord saying something similar to them. I knew I could not control them, and this made me nervous. I also became nervous when I saw these same confident individuals speaking with others. What if they spread their mindset to them? Getting the congregation to buy into my ‘vision’ could become much more difficult if that happened.
What really made me nervous about these individuals, however, was the look in their eyes. There was something different about their eyes. There was a deep love and light in their eyes that assaulted my ability to be in control and to control others. I intrinsically knew they were operating by a substance that I was ignorant of. I felt ‘naked’ around them. Their supernatural love and light made me uncomfortable.
As I mentioned, I was not able to admit this at the time. It was simply unpalatable. As a result, I created reasons to reject these individuals. I projected ill motives onto them. I projected the accusation that these individuals were not willing to submit to ‘leadership’. I rarely shared these accusations with those individuals themselves, however. I shared them with others whom I wanted to maintain control over. I regularly tainted their reputation to others. This is the brutally honest truth.
Those who have had a greater revelation of the love of Christ than I have had have always initially unnerved me
Looking back on that time, I have learned two realities about love & light (Jesus Christ). First, I have learned that the substance of love (Christ) is not able to be ‘mastered’, but eventually masters all things. Because the flesh desires to control, when it comes upon that which it cannot control, it fights for survival. Domination and control is the way the fallen flesh seeks to stay alive. When it cannot maintain control over others, however, it becomes irate. This is why mankind’s power structures throughout history (religious & governmental) have brutally persecuted and killed those they could not control.
In addition to this, I have discovered something about this on a more personal basis. Those who have had a greater revelation of the love of Christ than I have had have always initially unnerved me. As my revelation of His love grows, however, these same people become a haven of rest, not anxiety. This brings me to a second point I’d like to make.
Eventually, the love of Christ (and those who have a revelation of this love) will be fully vindicated. There is no darkness that is powerful enough to ultimately dim the pervasiveness and brightness of His love & light. I now love and appreciate those individuals from my past that used to ‘unnerve’ and scare me. My change of heart toward them had nothing to do with any effort on their part to change my opinion of them, however. The more that I have been awakened to the love of Christ, the more that I have been able to recognize His light and life in those individuals.
The story of Saul (Paul) on the road to Damascus being awakened to the light and life of Christ is our story as well. His heavenly vision of Christ automatically altered his view of the very people he once opposed in the name of God. The same reality has been true of my own life as I have been awakened to this heavenly vision of Christ.
The heavenly vision of Christ has not only changed my view of those individuals who used to unnerve me, this vision has been taking away my fear of all people. Yes, I know there are false teachers out there who stand opposed to this heavenly vision of Christ. I know there are those who also greatly mislead others as well. Nevertheless, they will not be able to continue misleading for the longterm. Time is not on their side as true love stands the test of time. Love never fails.
I have realized that a heavenly revelation (vision) of Christ causes us to love passionately. This love does not grow cold, and this love does not fail. As I have been awakened to the love of Christ, this love for others has remained and grown despite the fact that these same people are not yet able to reciprocate this love.
In the same way that I used to be afraid of and malign others who had a greater revelation of Jesus Christ, others have been unnerved by me and have maligned me as well. I recognize, however, that this is only temporary. In time, His light in us will become evident to all. Both Christ as head, and Christ’s body (us) will be illuminated to all of creation. Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father. We can rest in this reality.
I’d like to leave you with a few questions for you to ponder:
Is there anyone in your life right now who seems to carry a radical love within them that makes you nervous?
Is there anyone in your life right now who is suspicious of the light & love (Christ) within you?
Have you been maligned by those you deeply love?
If the answer is yes, just wait. He will make all things new in His time.
Jamal Jivanjee
This is my favorite blog post of yours!
I love the peak behind the curtain of the “pastoral mind”, revealing the control-motive & smooth-caniving-ways. And then the transformation from fear to love is truly awesome.
Bless you for your transparency in sharing, bro.
I pray this gets published in every publication the I/C pastors, and cult-leaders read.
Thanks Trevor, I’m glad you liked this post. You’re one of those people that I find a lot of rest in:) Love ya!
My brother, Jamal,
Thank you for this tremendous expression of Christ! Yes, it is those who are closest to us, our physical blood relatives and friends, not our Spirit relatives. I have been called many things because of my focus on Christ and Life: “You must be depressed.” Yet, I am full of joy. “There must be something wrong with you.” Yet, I am alive with Christ. “You don’t care about anything.” Yet, Love in me overflows to them and others around me. “I don’t like what Jesus has done to you.” Yet, they can always count on me to help them and understand. And there are some who avoid me, who will not look me in my eyes, who will not speak with me. It is Christ in me that offends. How strange it is that the world without Love is so offended by Him. But in times of trouble, when they have reached a point that they need Him, they turn around and come to me, to Christ in me. One of these dear ones reached the end of her agony. This one, so strong and stubborn, and tough as nails, fell on her knees and cried as I spoke our eternal Christ to her. She wept right there on the ground upon her knees, at the hearing of who Christ is and who we are in Him. We love them far beyond their fear of us, fear of Christ in us. It is the knowing of the death of themselves that they fear. Deep within they know that we have been emptied of the old self in death, because we are filled with Christ. That is the fear, the fear of knowing their present reality. That is why they avoid our eyes, and seem rather uncomfortable when they are too close to completely avoid us. It is that way with those who fear us, those closest to us seem the furthest away. I hope my comment too long, I couldn’t see how to shorten it, sorry about that.
Kat,
Your comment is perfect. It spoke to my heart greatly. Thank you.
Kat – this is so sad but so true. I’ve experienced the same thing with many family and friends. But since we have the love, hope and joy of the Lord we continue on in Him. Those who have a hard time with us distance themselves from us so we just love and pray from a distance holding on to the hope that our Lord gives us. And we never give up because He is our
all in all!
“The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others.” Vincent Van Gogh
Great quote Jim. I completely agree!
Your Honesty impresses me almost every time I read…. This post sheds light on so many things for me, I truly appreciate it!
Katie,
It is an honor to be able to share this with you. Thanks for reading:)
Thank you for opening yourself up to us, being so honest and making yourself vulnerable. Christ in you is sometimes blinding. I would have to say “yes” to all three questions. Just a couple of days ago I was talking with a friend who used to make me uncomfortable, but I now find I look forward to talking to her. In fact, I hunger to see Christ in everything like she does. May we all continue to be awakened to a vision of Christ!
Catherine,
Thank you for your encouragment. That’s truly humbling. Thx for reading and sharing here.
Awesome vision imparted through this post. Actually answers many questions I’ve had about those who I once saw as intimidating, now being so beloved. Thanks again for setting us free one more time! If you do not love someone, you will jugde them! Praise Him!!!
Thx for reading Hal:)
Wow.
I love this blog for many reasons, Jamal.
1. I appreciate the honesty / transparency of your testimony, and thank God you’re no longer a scared, controlling leader. You’re liberated from that fear, and now you can love endlessly and deeply.
2. Your testimony is what I would have become, had you not been that haven for me. Your expression of Christ’s life was DYNAMIC in Christ’s life being revealed to me. I was at Bible college learning all about “vision” and “leadership”. The kind of person you describe in this blog is someone I would have butted heads with, and feared.
3. Your encouragement to be patient is well-received.
Sometimes, the injustice seems like too much to handle. It seems that those truly seeking The Lord and living by the His life are outcast and condemned by both society and “men and women of God”. It is almost infuriating, at times.
But, if you remember (you do), there was a certain man from Nazareth who went about expressing His beautiful life all over the Middle East, healing the sick, bringing hope to many, shining light into darkness, pissing off the religious elite, and drawing either sharp hatred or passionate love from everyone He met.
He was condemned and rejected, and we are living that same life- condemned and rejected. For now.
Love you, bro! Keep on keepin on!
Wow, great comment. Thx for the encouragment bro. I am stewing on your comment this morning. I really appreciate your heart, and I am very confident that our Father is beaming with pride at who you already are, and who you are becoming. I have a lot of love for you brother:)
Jamal,
It’s so refreshing to see how the Lord has changed you through your writings. God gives us all one Spirit to drink and He disciplines those He loves!
Lisa
Thx Lisa:)
I’ve been waiting.
“The road map into the mind of Christ is emblazoned with the sign of the Cross.”
Brennan Manning
Very true Tom. Thx.
remember what is most important: Love
Simple, yet profound.
Wow. I had fallen off the blog-reading wagon and just got back on … of course you made the short list of blogs I’ll be reading on a regular basis and it’s always amazed me how I can read one of your posts and think it just put in words what I’ve been feeling for a long time.
In recent years, I’ve become more comfortable so it’s not as much the case any more, but I often was downright scared around people who I felt were _really_ spirit-filled, feeling that I was only _marginally_ spirit-filled, and worried that at any point they might expose the error in my path. How wrong it was and I would encourage anyone who knows and loves Jesus to know that no matter how long they’ve been in the Body that they contribute.