Today is a special treat for me personally. One of my favorite aspects of blogging is the ability this venue offers in regards to introducing subjects and people of great significance to the wider body of Christ. It is my honor and privilege to have one of my favorite bloggers here today for our fifth blog interview. I hope you will take the time to read through this interview and jump into the conversation with any comments or questions that you may have. Please understand that some of the dialogue here today is for mature audiences. With that said, let me introduce you to our guest…
Nicole Cottrell
Nicole Cottrell has a blog called ‘Modern Reject’ which I have come to greatly appreciate and anticipate each week. The rare honesty, vulnerability, and openness in her writing have been quite refreshing to me. I appreciate and can relate to the journey that Nicole is on as her journey is the same journey that many of us are on as well. Many others feel the same way about Nicole’s blog as Modern Reject has been listed in the top 200 Christian blogs for the last couple of years.
Nicole became acquainted with the illuminate blog through her amazing husband Jonathan who was introduced by a reader in their church family. I love how the internet works, and am very thankful the Lord has caused our paths to cross in the blogosphere. Shortly after I became familiar with Nicole’s writing, I knew she was a rare jewel in the kingdom that I wanted to have here on the blog. Nicole has graciously agreed to take part in this interview. Her responses to the interview questions have greatly blessed me, and I know you will be blessed by this conversation as well. Without further delay, let’s jump into the conversation!
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Nicole, as you know, I have come to greatly appreciate your blog. Your expression of raw emotion through your writing is not careless or angry, but very appropriate and refreshingly honest. Your willingness to not be guarded gives evidence to Christ’s healing work in your heart. I am thankful for that. In some of your posts, you speak of a time that you walked away from the reality of Christ for a season. How did He captivate your affections toward Him again?
What a great question. Well, how long of an answer can I give? The story itself is rather long and intricate, but the quick version goes something like this: I was in college, thousands of miles from home, having spent more than a year wandering (really, running) from the Lord. I was standing on a street corner, trying to hail a cab in Boston. It was snowing. I was smoking. A cabbie stopped and told me I couldn’t smoke in his cab. I reluctantly tossed my cigarette and got in his cab. He then began sharing the gospel with me. I think I laughed out loud and told him I already knew all of this.
Then, why was I smoking, he asked? Why did I look sad, he asked? Why did he feel like the Lord wanted him to share with me, he asked? It went on like this for some time, too. People — random strangers — approaching me and telling me that Jesus wanted me back.
I had a women step out of a telephone booth as I was walking by, follow me down the sidewalk, and tell me to go back to church.
I had a woman in the subway, who looked as though she might cry, approach me. Before she spoke, I preemptively said, “I know what you’re going to say.” She paused, smiled at me, then said, “So then, when are you going to listen? He wants you to come home.” It was through His constant pursuit of me, and my life simultaneously falling apart, that I was brought back to the Father’s arms and the friendship of Jesus. I never say that I walked back to God, but rather I crawled back to Him — so broken and humbled by the way I had abandon my King, in awe of His gracious, unbridled, and unhindered love for me, overjoyed for my return.
Jesus Christ wooed me and He won me…again. I don’t plan on ever running from Him again.
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What led you into the world of blogging? What has been the most painful and rewarding aspects of blogging for you?
For over a year, my husband, Jonathan, had been trying to get me excited about the idea of blogging. I, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with it. “Everyone and their mom…and their mom’s dog has a blog, so why would I want to start one, too?” I’m known for rejecting things others perceive as popular or cool, and this was just another such example.
But, then the Lord started quietly speaking to me about my need to write a blog, even giving me very clear, prophetic dreams about it. I resisted. I grumbled. I ignored His promptings until Jonathan told me that the Lord had gifted me with an ability to communicate and I was called to use that gift. A few weeks later, I started Modern Reject.
I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. It spurs me on and dries me up all at the same time. More specifically, the painful aspects of blogging come in the form of unkindness, jealousy, snarky comments, and those who think they actually know me because they read a 500-word blog post. Hopefully, I don’t sound like I’m whining because, despite some of the less desirable parts of blogging, it is also just about the coolest thing around.
And it’s rewarding. Every day. When someone writes me and says that I’ve offered them encouragement, or hope, or a new way of looking at the Word, or themselves, or Jesus — that is beyond rewarding. It’s addicting, actually. Once God showed me that Modern Reject was less of a blog and more of a ministry, I got it. In short, it’s the people that keep me going.
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Christ is many things to me. He is Father’s expression. He is Lord. He is my Brother. He is my friend. In the last few years, however, I have been awakened to the reality that He is our Husband. As a guy, this is an aspect of Him that I can only grasp through my spirit, not my flesh…Nicole, I truly appreciate your husband’s participation with you on your blog. You two have a beautiful partnership together. What romantic qualities of Jesus Christ do you see expressed through your husband?
So, let me preface this by saying that I married an amazing man. I married the best man I know. It is easy for me to talk about him and have him sound like some sort of Jesus/Superman/Brad Pitt hybrid-clone, but he is not perfect. He is perfect for me.
All that to say, I would confess that one of the main romantic qualities of Christ I see in my husband is a spirit of service. I mean, service doesn’t sound sexy, right? Oh, but it is.
I think Christ’s spirit of service — the fact that the Son of God came to serve, not be served — is nothing short of romantic. Likewise, it is watching my husband lay down his life for me, on a daily basis, to serve me. Now, I’m not talking about me lounging around while he feeds me grapes, but loving me as Christ loves the church.
If romance is the feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love, then Jesus is the world’s greatest romantic. It’s impossible to know Him and not be captivated by those feelings — the tension that exists between Jesus revealing more of Himself and that which remains veiled. He is everything, yet we only experience a sliver of all that He is.
Similarly, my husband, while fully available to me — open, honest, loving — still woos me. He still surprises me, still pursues me, still seeks to know me, find me, discover me. There is a comfort, but also a slight mystery — a secret (and not-so-secret at times) flirtation. And like Christ, Jonathan’s love compels me to love him more. Just as Christ first loved us, my husband loves me first in all things, but in doing so, I respond by also wanting to lay down my life for him.
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Nicole, you have written quite a bit about sex on your blog. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability on that topic. A couple of months ago, I wrote a blog about the cycles of sleep and how this process was created to shadow a greater reality of life and rest in Christ. In the same way, can you describe how you see the process of sex in human marriage as a shadow of our greater communion with Christ?
Oh, man. This question is worthy of an entire book, let alone a lengthy answer. The revelation God brought to me about sex in the context of marriage is that sex is a gift. It is not merely the way we reproduce or meet some animalistic needs, as some suggest. Sex is a gift given by God to His children, to be enjoyed in the framework of marriage.
Taking it a step further, when believers enjoy the gifts of the Father, they are participating in worship — giving praise and thanks to God for His goodness, kindness, generous heart. So it follows that, when we enjoy the gift of sex in marriage, we are worshipping the Lord. In that way, we are sharing in greater communion with God. Crazy to think about, right? When I first realized this, I was like, “Say whaaaaatttt?” And then I was like, “I can get down with that.” Because, sex is not just a physical act. Nor is it just an emotional or spiritual one. It is all three.
More specifically, I think sex within marriage mirrors our relationship with Christ in that it requires our participation and prioritization. The busyness of life can rob us of remembering that we need to respond to Christ’s pursuit of us. We must seek after Him. As life and its many demands often try to dry up marriage beds, husbands and wives must pursue one another and be determined to not allow anything steal away their intimacy — be it physical, emotional, or spiritual intimacy. Much like our relationship with Christ.
I think the quicker we are to recognize sex as a gift, the more apt we are to protect it as such. To treasure it, keep it, enjoy it, and, in doing so, glorify Christ.
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It seems that you have had a monumental shift regarding your understanding of ‘church’ over the last few years. Can you describe your shift away from the typical ‘missional’ evangelical mindset that focuses on external works, toward understanding the church to be a community of people centered around the person of Christ who live by His divine life? What prompted that shift, and how has this affected you?
On some level, I suppose I always knew that what I was experiencing on a typical Sunday morning, in a typical evangelical church, wasn’t actually church. Like so many others I know, somewhere deep down, in my spirit, I knew that church was something else — something more, something alive, something glorious. I just didn’t know what that was or how to find it. Over the years, as I attended various churches, I would catch little glimpses of what I imagined church could be. A small group here or home group there that felt more like a family. But, at the end of the day, those were not much more than a social club bound together by interests, stages of life, and doctrine.
Before marrying Jonathan, I knew he was going to start a church. I surrendered to this idea, even though the thought of starting just another Sunday-morning-service-type-church down the street bored me to death. Thankfully, Jonathan felt much the same way. As we began to pray about what this church would be, where it would be, and when He would call us to start it, we were surprised to hear from the Lord that it would be radically different than we had expected.
There would be no head pastor, no youth group, no programs, no weekly home groups. God was calling us to a different form of expression…and to be honest, it scared the crap out of me. I didn’t understand how it would work. What it would look like. What my role would be exactly. But Jonathan and I continued to press into what God was revealing. In doing so, we knew that we were to begin an organic church body.
The biggest shift for me personally in living life in and among my church family in an organic way, is twofold. First, I never knew how badly I craved and longed to find a spiritual family. I never knew what it was to be spiritually knit together with people, besides my husband and a few family members. I never knew how deeply a spiritual family is truly God’s provision for the saints and a temple (the people, not the place) for us to exalt, express, and experience Christ. It’s truly radical.
Second to that, the biggest shift for me has been to learn how to more fully come under the Headship of Christ. I mean, we all say it, “Jesus is the head…” but the church so actually lives that out.
Now, however, as I have practiced alongside my brothers and sister what it is to appoint and “hold fast” to Christ as the true Head, it is something so radically different from anything I had previously known. It is, for the first time in my walk with Jesus, me being placed exactly where I should be, so that Jesus can be positioned exactly where He should be — His throne. It has been breath to me, pure life to me, grace to me, joy to me, freedom to me. It is everything, because He is everything.
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Nicole, what is your heart’s cry for the bride of Christ these days?
I suppose that my heart’s cry for the bride is very much what I just explained. I long to see the family of God become just that — the family of God. I long to see us surrender to the Headship of Christ and allow Him to lead. Not man. Not programs. Not agendas. Not even doctrine or theology, but Jesus Christ Himself.
In line with that, too, a few years ago a man prayed and prophesied over me that I’ve been called by the Lord to a “ministry of freedom.” Those words were, and have remained, like a salve to my soul, a healing balm to my spirit. I desire more than anything for believers to experience the true freedom of Jesus Christ. Freedom from bondage, freedom from sin, freedom from ourselves. My hope is to see every Christ-follower come under the headship of Christ and, in doing so, take hold of the freedom available to them. As Galatians 5:1 reads, “It was for freedom that Christ set us free….”
Jamal, thank you so much for allowing me to answer such thoughtful, personal, and engaging questions. I think I actually learned a bit more about myself in doing so. No joke. I so greatly respect you and your writing. I count you as a dear brother and gift to the Kingdom. I’m thankful for all that you do in the name of Jesus.
Thank You
Nicole, thanks so much for taking the time to come here on the blog and share your heart with us today. You truly are a blessing to many.
Was there a statement or phrase that jumped out at you? Was anything ‘stirred’ inside of you? Is there a question brewing in your mind? Feel free to post any comments about this interview or questions for Nicole here. Let me also encourage you to check out Modern Reject. You will be glad you did.
Jamal Jivanjee
From the very first time I read Nicole’s blog in 2010 I knew she was going to be one of my favorite bloggers. My spirit rejoices when I read her words that are set free from ugly religion or modern-day cultural “christianity”. She speaks truth and is not afraid to challenge her readers.
It has been a great joy to walk this blogging path with her. She rocks! Great interview.
Thx for reading Moe, I agree completely!
Moe,
You, my friend, are a gem. Forget one of my favorite (former…sniffle) bloggers. You are one of my favorite people.
Your words here are beyond kind, and man do I hope they are true. I hope that is what others see, as well.
This really hit me, “First, I never knew how badly I craved and longed to find a spiritual family. I never knew what it was to be spiritually knit together with people, besides my husband and a few family members.”
I have been coming to realize this as well. My husband and I, along with some other friends started meeting together in our homes about 3 months ago. Before I said goodbye to Sunday morning services, I remember many a time that I walked up to those buildings with tears in my eyes and my husband and I would stand outside and hug and cry and pray because we didn’t know if we could take one more morning of showing up to where “the body meets” and walk away feeling so alone.
This was a horrible time…one that made me want to walk away from the church entirely, and made me really question my faith (if God’s word is true and we’re all supposedly doing what it says, why can’t I find a spiritual home and family??)
Then we took the plunge and walked away from this earthly idea of church in search of a spiritual family. The first couple months in our home was awkward, hard, uncomfortable, and at times a little weird. I realized I didn’t KNOW how to do life with people!! After 3 months, we are finally discovering what that means, and I finally feel a pull in my heart to these people…I miss them on days we’re not together..I think about them and think about how to serve them. I’m finally learning! And it is the most freedom I’ve ever felt in my life to be tethered to people instead of a building.
What a beautiful comment Hannah. Let me just say that I understanding what you mean. Learning to truly ‘be’ with people is more than a concept, it’s a new way to exist. The more that we live by the awareness of His indwelling life, the more we are set free to be with this new family of brothers and sisters. As you said, when we’re apart from them, we miss them greatly. It’s an entirely new way to exist.
Hannah,
I got teary-eyed reading your comment–so completely understanding your longing for more, then the risk we take in seeking, and finally the fruit of a spiritual family.
You said “I think about them and think about how to serve them.” My heart leaps! Far too many “Christians” go to a building and think about they will be served.
But real community life is hard. Frank Viola says “Church life is shared life.” I love that.
I will be praying, Hannah, for the Lord to continue to knit you together with your family and for the fruit of it to be overwhelming.Thanks for sharing with me today!
“…we didn’t know if we could take one more morning of showing up to where “the body meets” and walk away feeling so alone.”
Oh my. Wow. Simply, wow. You nailed it, sister.
Both of you have an incredible ability to put words to the things stirring in my spirit. I have resisted internet-land because I didn’t know such Kingdom-minded people existed out here. Love this conversation!
Allison,
Hooray! I am so thankful the Lord brought you here today. I am excited to “meet” you. From one Kingdom-seeker to another.
P.S. I checked out your blog. Good stuff! And I love your tagline…”Raising dead people.” Yes!
aww, thanks so much! I met you from afar at the ATL blogger meet-up – but didn’t get a chance for an official meeting.
Appreciate your refreshing perspective so much! Let’s get on with the dead-raising!
Jamal,
Though I am single, thus without such current events. But, I can understand how that Christ is expressed in the happening of human intercourse, which is symbolic of our coming together as one, and in one, just as Adam and Eve were one in the beginning. It is a revealing of the Divine unity which expresses the fullness, the wholeness, and the oneness of Life Himself.
There are three within the summation. In other words, the perfect consummation is but One. The “physical” represents the Son of Man in the flesh (Christ). The “emotional” (heart) represents Father who is Love (God is in Christ). And the “spiritual” represents the Life-giving Spirit (Christ). They are in us and we are in them, through an internal connection born of Heaven to Be One spirit, One mind, One heart, One body, and One Life — Christ. In Christ, God seeded a garden (even before the tick of time), and we are born of God’s Seed. We are the child(ren) with His DNA which is Himself in us, His body, His Life, together we are but one, and in One. I could go further, but I refrain.
Kat,
Allow me to quote Nicole here in response to your comment: “Say whaaaaatttt?”
What you shared is truly beautiful:)
I never gave it much thought before, but since Nicole wrote about the human experience of sexual communing, I decided to give a brief comment on the revealing of Christ that Father just gave to me regarding this expression of Him through Nicole. I suppose that those who have had, or are in, a loving couple relationship would know far more than I am able to comprehend, since I am without the human experience of such a loving way. This is an example of how Father uses the one another of us to reveal Christ. Thanks, Nicole!
Kat,
What a beautiful and glorious revelation you shared. Such wisdom and truth. I could write a whole post on your comment alone.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and heart.
I have been in groups like this who share freedom, and such beautiful worship of Him only. I want to know some of the specifics of Nicole’s gatherings.
Jan,
I would love to share more with you about my church family and our gatherings. You can email me if you’re interested. It’s nicole@modernreject.com
I, along with some of my other church family, have written about our experiences. Here’s a link to my blog about organic church: http://modernreject.com/category/featured/house-church/
Here’s also a link to a post by my friend and church sister, Arianne wrote describing our church family, as well. http://deeperstory.com/why-i-love-my-organic-church/
Blessings to you and I look forward to hearing from you.
Wow…God never pursued me like that. I guess I wasn’t worth the effort.
Fatarse, God’s pursuit looks different for everyone. I remember when I was watching a friend grow leaps and bounds in their faith, and I told him “I wish I had what you have”. He gently replied to me, “Have you asked God for it?” and I knew instantly that I had not. I started praying for that same type of relationship with God, and He moved in quickly to draw me close.
So Fatarse…i’ll ask you…Have you asked God to pursue you? Have you asked God to show you how much you mean to Him? Not many get the kind of pursuit Nicole did, but that is because that is what Nicole needed. God got you to this blog, and showed you He can pursue you, too. And I will pray for you right now to feel God’s personal, loving, amazing grace to chase after you, too. But it will actually be your prayer that God answers in this.
I pray you don’t believe that lie. God loves you more than you can imagine.
Fatarse,
Your words break my heart and no doubt they hurt the Lord, as well. I cannot explain why God chooses one way to catch a person’s attention versus another. But I do know that God does not compare us to each other. He deals with us individually and intimately, because He is a personal and individual God.
In the story of the prodigal son, the wealthy father did not chase after his wayward and wondering son. He allowed Him to go and yet we also know that when his son returned, he wrapped him in his arms rejoicing. The father threw a party to celebrate his son’s return. Our heavenly Father does nothing less. He rejoices when we come home and that is where we should desire to be. Comparing our story to another’s only robs us of joy and God of the glory He deserves.
I am praying for the Father’s love to overwhelm you and overtake you, that you will have no question of his unending and unmatched love for you.
“In line with that, too, a few years ago a man prayed and prophesied over me that I’ve been called by the Lord to a “ministry of freedom.””
How long I have cried out that I want to see, and the world wants to see, the glorious freedom of the children of God! So, it’s exciting to read this heartcry in Nicole. There is a big difference for me, though. I’m going on 3 years out of the institution, yet I’m still basically alone with Christ – no community on the horizon.
Jesus is helping me step into ever-increasing levels of freedom in Him, despite my lack of community connection right now, and I’m trusting Him to open my eyes or open that door at just the right moment. Even so, I have to fight the discouragement that comes when I read wonderful stories like this. (Just being honest.)
Is there no one in the Piedmont Triad area of NC already fellowshipping in this way? If there is, here is a family member!
Thanks, Jamal, for sharing Nicole with us.
Jamal and Nicole,
His light shines in both of you. The humility and courage you both present are such a great example and makes it obvious that God is teaching you. He goes to the depths of ourselves to shine His light in on those things that we need to shed and get rid of including all that we’ve been conditioned to accept and believe that has to do with man’s way/agenda, not God’s. If it’s not in step with the Spirit then it should go no matter how long it’s been done like that. I’m referring to “going” to church. Anyway, as I’m sure you believe too, we don’t “go” to church, we are the Church.
Continue on in living by the Spirit!
Lisa
Thx for your comment, and for your kind words of encouragment Lisa. Blessings to you on your journey.
That the Lord pursued you as He did–that He chased you through strangers even though you dodged!–is such a revelation of His love, His purpose, His Kingdom mentality.
To know you now, to see what He has established in and through and with you, is for me to see that God seeks out the most real among us to teach others how to be just as real.
For it’s in authenticity and truth that we enter in fully, isn’t it? I’m so glad I get to do this with you.