Last Monday, I took a very revealing blog survey regarding the qualities of great fathers. I found the responses to be quite beautiful and revealing. I’d like to take a few minutes in this post to summarize the responses that came in, and what I believe these responses point to.
Our Dream Daddy
The responses from Monday’s survey about the qualities of great fathers carried these themes:
- Great dads are unfailing & unconditional with their love.
(A father with this kind of love cannot be provoked to withdraw from or abandon their children. He will remain forever loyal to them. A father who loves with no strings attached.)
- Great dads are obsessed with Christ & His bride.
(A father with this kind of an obsession is consumed with encouraging & cultivating the relationship that exists between Christ & His bride.)
- Great dads are transparent.
(A father who is not pretentious or fake. A father is willing to bear his heart to his children. A father who can be seen & known. A father who loves to share his own heart, hobbies, and plans with his children.)
- Great dads are honest.
(A father who will tell his children the truth. This truth always reinforces who his children are, not who they are not. A father who instills true identity in his children that leads to their freedom.)
- Great dads are strong & able to rescue.
(A father who is able to overcome *ANY* obstacle to rescue his children.)
- Great dads are listeners.
(A father who is so interested in us that he actively listens to each word & cry that comes forth from us.)
- Great dads are conversationalists.
(A father who likes to engage in long & deep conversations with his children about any subject they are passionate about. A father who is not silent.)
- Great dads are approachable with a sense of humor.
(A father who immediately puts his children at ease when approached, no matter what the children are going through. A father who loves to make his children laugh.)
- Great dads are accessible.
(A father who can always be found in the most remote places at the most ‘inopportune’ times whenever we need to ‘vent’ or when we need advice.)
- Great dads are sentimental.
(A father who leaves us little clues indicating how much we are valued. A father who remembers our birthday, who leaves us cards & personalized gifts that only we could understand and value, and who even knows the color of our birthstone.)
- Great dads are inclusive.
(A father who does not play favorites with his children. A father who sees each child as his ‘favorite’.)
- Great dads are just.
(A father who will relentlessly expose, oppose, and destroy all the obstacles that oppose his children.)
- Great dads are match-makers.
(A father who will not rest until his children marry the ‘perfect’ spouse. A father who will search for this spouse, and move ‘heaven & earth’ to bring them together.)
I could go on and on, but I think we are getting a picture of what a great father is. As a dad, I can tell you that I’d love to be this kind of a dad for my own child. I know that she was created for this kind of a father. I have always known that. I am also aware that I am not that father.
At best, we are only pictures of a great father. That’s ok, because there is truly only one great Father. He is so sufficient that He needs no ‘duplicate’. Consider the words of Jesus:
Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. (Matthew 23:9, NASB)
We are simply ‘shadow’ fathers. Even as shadow fathers who cannot adequately provide for the needs of our children, we still know the good gifts that our children need. Even in our imperfect flesh, we know and desire good things for our children. Although we are imperfect fathers, we would not knowingly give bad things to our children. If this is true of us, how much more true is this of our heavenly Father? This is exactly the question that Jesus asked of us:
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much *MORE* will your heavenly father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him? (Luke 11:13, NASB, emphasis mine)
Why do you think Jesus asked this question using the all important word *more*?
I am convinced it is because of the religious poison that they had been fed about God. I know this because I have also been fed the same religious poison in the evangelical religious system. Most of what is communicated in the religious system is laced with a subtle lie that envisions God as a father who is *less than* what we ourselves can envision a good father being. Let me give you an example.
I recently heard a famous evangelical preacher say something about God that left me scratching my head. In a conversation about a particular theological debate currently going on in some evangelical circles, this famous evangelical preacher said something that was quite revealing of the religious poison that we have all been fed. This is a paraphrase of what he said…
Can I be honest with you? I really wish God was as loving & accepting of a Father as some of these ‘grace’ preachers like to make Him out to be. Deep down, I want them to be right. The reality is, however, that the scriptures say something different about God. I have to come to grips with the reality of what the bible says about God, not what I want Him to be. (unnamed evangelical preacher)
A few years ago, I would not have questioned that statement. That statement, however, makes no sense in light of the kind of Father that Jesus revealed. Religion makes the Father less than what we truly want, but Jesus revealed a Father that was so much *MORE* than anything we can ask, think, or imagine.
This famous evangelical preacher hasn’t yet considered the possibility that he is viewing the scriptures about God, as a Father, through the religious lens of law and condemnation that is the bedrock of institutional christendom. This is nothing new.
Two thousand years ago, the very people who had the scriptures, viewed God through the same false religious lenses. To challenge this faulty view of God, Jesus came on the scene and told a story about His Father being like a father of two sons. One son was ‘prodigal’, and the other was self-righteous (religious).
Although both sons were misguided and did not know the true nature of their father, this father never stopped seeing those two sons as his sons. In this story that Jesus told, the father never condemned his two sons for their gross misunderstanding of his love for them. You know what?
Each one of us has been one of those sons at some point in our lives.
If we who are imperfect and corrupted in the flesh would never give up on our own kids, why do we think that our perfect heavenly Father would? We are not more benevolent than He is. This view of the heavenly Father that Jesus described & revealed was radically different than the religious god that the religious system in Jesus’ day was proclaiming. As a matter of fact, it was so radically different that they accused Jesus of being a heretic.
Nothing has changed.
A true picture of our heavenly Father is deeply offensive to the religious mindset. One way you can be sure that you are coming awake to the true nature of God as a good Father is when your own fleshly religious nature becomes offended, and when the religious ‘flesh’ of others labels you a heretic. When this happens, know that you are in good company.
Christ truly is all. A supernatural revelation of this Christ will reveal not only a lover, but a really good Father. George Michael explains the heart of our heavenly Father very well in his song ‘Father Figure’. Please take a few minutes to watch this video. Pay very close attention to the lyrics of this song as they come straight out of the scriptures. Can you hear the heart of your heavenly Father singing to you?
In Christ, we have a perfect lover & a perfect Daddy,
Jamal Jivanjee
I started answering your survey last week but wasn’t able to finish in time and now I see I missed it. I’m sorry I’m late but here’s some input after the fact: Discipline. I see no one mentioned it.
God disciplines His children just as an earthly father should. I’m so grateful to the Lord for His discipline and for catching me in my sins so that I don’t follow sin’s deceitful trail that leads to death (James 1:12-18 below). Of course discipline isn’t easy but we can’t live our lives with our Father without it.
Hebrews 12:4-11
[God Disciplines His Children ] In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?
If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.
Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live!
They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Revelation 3:19
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.
James 1
12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
Agreed, Lisa! And a really really good father will somehow someway get his children to rejoice in his discipline, seeing his rules as good and life-giving and protective and not burdensome.
Amen, Aaron!
Hey Aaron, great to hear from you. Thx for reading. I hope you’re doing well these days:)
Thx for your comment Lisa. I have come to realize that the discipline of a good Father leads to our refinement and purification. Satan is the one who seeks to destroy. The Father does not do such things:)
Yes, exactly, Jamal. I have realized how true it is that our Father disciplines those He loves and those who are His will heed his discipline and those who are not spurn it. He doesn’t discipline us to punish us
but to teach us.
I’m amazed that He loves us all. Both ‘sons’ are loved:)
Yes, and He doesn’t want anyone to perish but wants everyone to come to Him. Jesus died while we were still sinners, however, not all will come to Him to have “life.” That’s why Jesus talks about the sheep and goats, not to scare us but so that we know and understand what the consequences are if we reject Him. It’s because of His love for us that He gives us the whole truth and just part of it. Satan is the one who doesn’t want us to know and understand it. It’s not God’s will for anyone to perish, but there are those who will.
Lisa,
In the George Michael song at the end of the post, there is a beautiful line that says:
“…but sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime.”
That’s exactly how I felt when I realized that the father (in the story that Jesus told) never stopped seeing both misguided sons as his sons. His love is scandlous!
Yes, God loves everyone and Jesus spent time with those who were known as “sinners” (scandalous love) just like we are to be conduits of Jesus’ love to those who don’t know Him yet. But unfortunately, even though God loves all of us it doesn’t mean that everyone will have eternal life.
In the story of the prodigal son, the son came back on his own. The father didn’t go out looking for him and bring him back. The father welcomed him with open arms (representing forgiveness, the same forgiveness that our Father offers to everyone). The son realized he would have a life at home with his father (the same way we realize that God has provided salvation for all who believe, a home in heaven). And because of the father’s forgiveness they were reconciled, just like we are forgiven and reconciled to God through Jesus. What if the son didn’t come back?
Lisa,
Do you remember when you were swept off your feet? For a few, love will come in this age. Love never violates the will of another. Because love is persuasive, however, love does not need to force its way on another. If it does force its way on another, it ceases to be love. As you already know Lisa, love has this unique way of sweeping us off our feet:) Love brings us to our knees in adoration. Love causes our tongues to confess its beautiful reality. Love is patient, however. Love waits until just the right moment. Eventually, at just the right moment, our knee will bow, and our tongue will confess. This bowing and confessing will be because of love. God is love. He always gets His girl:)
Jamal,
Are we talking about different things or do we not see eye to eye? I’m not sure. Do you believe that no one will or can reject Jesus Christ and that all will have eternal life?
Right, God doesn’t force His will on anyone. Jesus say, Let him who has ears hear. He says that so that the responsibility to hear is on the one to whom the message is being given, not on the messager to make them hear.
God is love and because He is love He is also holy, righteous and just. They all go together, they’re not separate. God is not sentimental in His love and He isn’t what we think He is because of our experiences, good or bad. We must get to know Him for who He is. He is nothing like we can imagine, even if we have/had THE BEST earthly father in the whole world.
Yes, God’s love does sweep us off our feet. When we realize even just a pin point the love He has for us, it is overwhelming! We can see how earthly love can sweep us up too. Being swept off our feet in either case describes how we feel, it’s a sentiment, and that sentiment isn’t always so strong, the feeling can diminish or even go away. So we don’t base God’s love on the idea of being swept off our feet. When He discipines us, we don’t much feel like we’re being swept off our feet, do we?
We must get to know our Father and continue to get to know Him. Like the apostle Paul said, I want to know Him more/better. To know that our Father wants us to know Him (and that there is no end to knowing Him) sweeps me off my feet!
Ephesians 1:17
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
Lisa,
I’m delighted to know that He has swept you off of your feet. We can give Him the credit for that because, as you have stated, He did not leave you in your deaf state. He gave you ears to hear His word of love to you. You heard Him, and have fallen in love. He’s a great ‘sweeper’:) I’m glad that, because of Christ, the formerly deaf have been given ears to hear.
Jamal when you first posted your question, I couldn’t respond. This is a rough topic for me. But today I have been comforted by our Father. The George Michael song is deeply moving, to the point of healing, not so much the words, and they are indeed beautiful, but the healing balm of the Spirit, as I better understood our Fathers love.
This father topic is huge in my opinion, it has been drug through the mud of humanity, attacked from all sides, and diminished by almost any venue possible. My dad and I never connected, for decades I wanted his approval, it never came. Sadly my experience as a father was, and is faulty, today I see that our Father makes all things new, with this hope I can move forward.
Our Father enables us to become fathers, and to restore through Him the broken pieces of our shortcomings.
“Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds;
rejoice before him – his name is the Lord.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads out the prisoners with singing…
Thank you Jamal!
Jim,
Thank you very much for your vulnerable reply. I know exactly how you feel.
I am grateful to know that He has brought healing and comfort to you in this area today. What a gracious Father we have. He truly is making all things new in ways that we cannot fathom. He will wipe away every tear, and He will restore and overcome everything our adversary has stolen.
I must have passively listened to that song millions of times not knowing how powerful it was. Yes. our antitype Father is all those things and more. He will love us till the end of time and BEYOND! Thanks for sharing this brother.
My pleasure Lindsy, thx for reading:)
Thanks so much for posting this Jamal. My earthly father was an abusive one and so it has been and still is healing to know and get to know my real FATHER now… It’s funny that you posted this George Michael song – I grew up in Europe and as a teenager it was one of my favourite songs. During this very lonely time in my life I listened to “Father Figure” over and over- however – since my English was VERY poor then I had no idea what the lyrics of the song were all about – lol – until today – oh how BEAUTIFUL
Gioia,
Thanks for your comment. I’m glad that the lyrics of this song blessed you in this post. I find it fascinating that this George Michael song resonated with your spirit long before your mind understood it. I love how the Lord prepares us to receive His love:)
Thanks for this post! I grew up with a, as near as humanly possible, perfect earthly dad. He was and is very wonderful and I thank God for him over and over. But the view of a heavenly father that was taught to me by my church was twisted and evil. I loved my earthly dad so very much and was confident of his love for me, but lived in constant fear of what my heavenly “father” would do to me. This evil God was demanding, irate, petty, eager to punish, ruled me with fear and shame, and would pull his love and “favor” away for the most minor of mistakes. I would now consider that abusive behavior. This evil “God” is the opposite of the one you talk about, Jamal. I was not taught about these wonderful character traits of God our Loving Father that you mentioned above. Every bit of teaching I heard growing up that mentioned God’s love was always taught as conditional love and not real love at all. I never knew where I stood with this evil god. No wonder I never could trust him and lived in fear of him and his “children” (Christians who perpetuated this belief of an evil God and harsh judgement for all who didn’t meet his conditions). I am now beginning to slowly get to know this God of Love that you talk about for the very first time. I am 37 years old and lived with a god no different than any pagan god for 36 years of my life. The tragedy was I thought he (this evil god of hate, shame, and fear) was the true God. How wrong I was. The best part of my story is when the True God of Love broke through my fear and shame and showered me with His Love. His unconditional, unstoppable love! My heart is shocked by this amazing, incredible love. I still have times when I get the two Gods confused, usually when someone talks about discipline, judgement, or God being angry. But my God of Love always whispers to my heart about his true, unconditional love in these times and reassures me that I am loved and safe in His arms. I never have to be afraid with this God. I never have to do anything to be in His favor. I never have to prove my love or loyalty to Him. In this time of healing for my heart and soul, I can just “be” for the very first time in my life. No more striving. No more pursuing or working to get his love. I just sit and soak up His love. Yes, I waste my time learning to feel and know His love!
What wonderful peace this brings! I am looking forward to the day when my heart responds to His love and I can love Him back with everything I am. What a wonderful and amazing concept!
Thank you, Jamal, for this wonderful reminder of His love! I will use this post to remind me of who He is when I get confused or when the fear starts to creep back in.
Faith,
I thank our Dad that He is revealing His true nature to you. This revelation of our true Father that He has specifically given to you is a powerful weapon against the works of our adversary. Thank you again for sharing!
Hi Jamal,
I’m sorry, I got behind on this so I just read your reply to me from last week which says:
“I’m delighted to know that He has swept you off of your feet. We can give Him the credit for that because, as you have stated, He did not leave you in your deaf state. He gave you ears to hear His word of love to you. You heard Him, and have fallen in love. He’s a great ‘sweeper’:) I’m glad that, because of Christ, the formerly deaf have been given ears to hear.”
Thank you for you reply. I like to be up front and open about what I believe and I’m just not sure where you’re going with what you said. I don’t want to assume. God gives us all the ability to hear but not all will because some reject Him. This doesn’t mean they weren’t given the opportunity to hear though. If they would turn to Him He would heal them.
Lisa,
I’m strictly talking about you. I’m not talking about the whole world just yet. When we try to figure out and neatly define what the Lord is doing or not doing with others, we end up coming up with belief systems and doctrines that violate His heart and character. As a result, I like to keep things personal. I was deaf, therefore I could not hear Him calling me. I was not able to come to Him until I heard Him. He gave me the right kind of ears that were able to hear His beautiful voice. His voice brought me alive, so I did what all newborn babies naturally do. I clung to Him for life and food. This is natural. He did it all. He did this for you too:)