Why The New Covenant Is A Sexual Revolution…(a review of Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions by Dan Brennan)

April 1, 2013

In 2008, a book hit the bookshelves that rocked the evangelical world.  This book finally put words to what a multitude of people had begun to realize.  The revolutionary book was Pagan Christianity  by Frank Viola & George Barna.  This book made the claim that much of institutional Christianity and modern church practice was actually not rooted in the New Testament scriptures, but in pagan traditions.  It was a book whose time had come.

In today’s post, I’d like to tell you about another bomb-shell book dealing with personal relationships that I believe is of a similar caliber.  For the last few years, I’ve had a sneaking suspicion that the New Covenant & the New Commandment that Jesus gave to us, when truly grasped, is the most radical and purest sexual revolution in relationships that the world has ever known.  In a masterful way, this book has finally put words to what I have long suspected.


SUSP for websiteIn his book Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions, author Dan Brennan makes the outlandish claim that much of what is taught, believed, and practiced in traditional / evangelical Christianity regarding relationships (specifically regarding cross-sex relationships) are actually rooted in the darker aspects of modern culture than the New Testament.

Relationships were deeply assaulted when sin entered into mankind.  Obviously, mankind’s relationship with God was divided, but so was mankind’s relationship with themselves.  This can be clearly seen in the way men and women have interacted with one another throughout history.

When Jesus came on the scene, He destroyed the division that existed between God & mankind, and the divisions that existed within mankind themselves.  In His life, Jesus demonstrated a new way to relate to one another.  This new way to relate came from an entirely different place altogether.  A heavenly place.  Specifically speaking, Jesus routinely broke social and religious rules when it came to the way He related to other women.  Jesus had deep, intimate friendships, several of which were with women.

The way He loved others was completely new.  No human being had ever loved with divine love before Jesus came on the scene.  This was just the beginning, however.  The kind of love that He envisioned would require many people loving one another with divine love.  A community of people fearlessly, passionately, and intimately loving one another is what Jesus said the world would recognize as coming from Him.  The ‘oneness’ and communion that Jesus envisioned within the relationships in His community (church) would express the very oneness and communion of the triune God Himself (John 17:21).

Unfortunately, the types of relationships that exist in the evangelical religious system are anything but this.  For example:


  • Most men do not have deep, passionate, intimate relationships with one another.


  • Males and females in religious communities are scared to significantly relate to one another.  At best, they have distant superficial relationships with one another, and at worst, they try their best to avoid one another altogether in the name of ‘purity’.


  • Although women desire deep relationships with their sisters in Christ, even this is fraught with many issues that keep this from becoming a reality.


  • In the evangelical world, all the pressure is piled on the marital relationship to be the ‘end-all, be-all’ in regards to deep, passionate, intimate relationships.  This has been detrimental to the kind of community that Jesus envisioned, not to mention marriages themselves.


Regardless of our backgrounds, most of us have been deeply assaulted by the religious system when it comes to how we relate to one another.  Fear, suspicion, and separation have been the result.  Thankfully, the book Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions, gives us a refreshing look at what New Covenant relationships can be when fear and separation are removed.


  • Did you know that the deep, intimate, passionate friendship that existed between Jonathan & David rivaled that of David’s love for women? (2 Sam. 1:26)  Could it be that this pure love is a picture or shadow of relationships in the New Covenant?


  • Is it possible that men and women in Christ (who are not married to one another) could have intimate, passionate, pure, non romantic relationships with one another?


  • Is it possible that the Lord’s desire for ‘oneness’ and communion is fulfilled through relationships beyond marriage?


Brennan makes a powerful case that, because of the New Covenant, not only are these kinds of relationships possible, they are essential to bringing the heart of God for His people into reality.  Brennan exposes the roots of ‘romantic idealism’ and how this cultural belief has hindered our relationships.  Brennan also masterfully sheds light on the reality of ‘passion’ & ‘intimacy’ that is non erotic or romantic in nature.  In this book, the case is strongly made that people can have intimate, deeply passionate, yet non-romantic relationships with one another.  Brennan defines the concept of ‘friendship love’ and the necessity of ‘friendship love’ both within marriage, and in non-marital relationships.

Of all the ‘Christian’ books I have ever read regarding relationships, none have addressed the nature of relationships (specifically cross-sex relationships) in light of the New Covenant.  I can honestly say this book, for me, has been one of the most liberating and refreshing books about the subject of relationships that I have ever read.  My hat goes off to Dan for his courage in addressing a subject that is so easily misunderstood and feared.

Who Should Read This Book

Although I truly wish everyone could read this book, many should not read it.  This book will challenge the core of your relational paradigms.  As much as I loved this book, I honestly found this book to be quite unnerving.  It exposed areas of fear that I didn’t know I was still carrying.  Nevertheless, my desire to touch the Lord’s heart and experience greater intimacy in relationships within the body of Christ is greater than the fear this book exposed.  This enabled me to finish the book, and I am more than glad that I did.  If you do not strongly desire greater depths of intimacy in your relationships right now, don’t read this book.  If you do, however, this book is a must read.

Click HERE to find out more about this book, and how you can order it.

Because of the challenging nature of this book, Dan Brennan has agreed to come on the blog this Wednesday for an interview in order to explain his heart a bit further.  I do hope you will tune in as Dan will be addressing vitally important questions about this topic.

Blessings to you,

Jamal Jivanjee


Related ReadingThe Shadow of Sex & Marriage, The Future of My Marriage, & A New Reality


Jamal Jivanjee

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53 responses to Why The New Covenant Is A Sexual Revolution…(a review of Sacred Unions, Sacred Passions by Dan Brennan)

  1. Heather Toftness April 1, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    Thank you for affirming what our Spirits have known all along! I look forward to the interview.

  2. Jamal,
    I understand why romance had to be presented as non-romantic in your writing, but that is only because we look at romance in view of the flesh. In my sight, Romance and the Romancer are One. Romance is not sexual, in fact, it has nothing to do with fleshy body parts. For an example that may be better seen, even the poets write what is called “Romantic” but in such described writings, it means the poet wrote of a deep happening, a tremendous depth of writing that touches the inner person, without a single sexual word. One more cow to tip, but as we say in the farm country here, “Don’t let the farmer catch you; you’ll get shot!” Romance is saying, “Come!” The reality of Romance is so far beyond the flesh, being in Love is what we have only breathed in, but not tasted, as far as the one another in Love at present, on the majority scale, that is. Passion, longing, intimacy and romance has a greater Reality in Spirit, so far greater is our Love, far more than any flesh coming together to satisfy the flesh. Christ in us has made us one. We are always one unity, one love, one life, one mind, and one body. The reality of Romance is not two bodies, but one whole. So, one we are, that there is no seam, nor crack, nor crevice, one body clear as crystal, perfected together in Love, where there is no fear, no doubt, no eyes of the flesh. So you see, non-romantic it is not, but non-sexual. This is why there was so many warnings, from the sent ones in the NT times, not to see with eyes of the flesh! Only in the Power of Spirit is this eternal Love capable of being lived in and through us. The unity of the Spirit of Love is One Whole. No distinctions of race, gender or anything else. No divisions. It is a dangerous thing to enter this Love, because we must never see one another with the eyes of flesh! Never!

  3. No kindle version? My first comment for the author. 😉

  4. Jamal, I do agree that so many of our relationships are shallow and this sounds so very wonderful. I have a knack for asking questions people have, but are afraid to ask, so here goes:This type of intimacy, you have to admit, can lead to physical intimacy which is the natural progression of our being human to express that intimacy with physical affection, and I think to not admit that is naive. How do you prevent that from going down that road? Few people are so spiritually minded and their flesh is so completely under control that this wouldn’t be an issue.If it doesn’t go down the physical road, one can have an affair of the heart, which can be devastating as well. I have seen this happen too many times, where a relationship is very close and crosses that line.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 1, 2013 at 6:01 pm


      Thanks for asking this question. I know many will have this same question as well. On Wednesday’s blog interview, I believe Dan will address this more fully. In the meantime, here are a few thoughts that I have.

      1. In light of the New Covenant, physical (sexual) intimacy is not the natural destination of becoming close with another. In this book, Dan tackles where this false belief comes from.

      2. I have discovered that trying to do something to ‘prevent’ something bad from happening is an Old Covenant mindset that the religious system has operated in regarding this topic. It also has not worked to keep affairs from happening, nor does it work in helping deep, passionate, pure, intimate relationships to blossom.

      In my experience, the best way to avoid relating with one another according to the flesh is not through walls or fear of what could happen, but by deeply engaging their new nature (Spirit). Yes, this will lead to intimate love, but the kind of pure love that is the expression of Christ that was always intended.

      I hope that makes sense.

    • Jeanne,

      There is a certain amount of risk involved in vulnerability and nurturing a closeness. The challenge for us all (who are in different places, different journeys, different stories) know ourselves and what are our limits. This is a discipline and fruit of the Spirit. In our culture massage therapy and massage is a socially accepted practice in our culture. Professionals (both men and women) are encouraged to become self-aware of issues that can arise in such high touch practices. I do find your observation interesting about the slippery slope. This is one of the reasons men can’t be intimate friends with men for fear that intimacy will lead down to the point of no return.

      But in the bigger picture, Jeanne, I would suggest that the reason why we see a number of close relationships cross the line is that we have not trained, discipled, or nurtured men and women into a culture of spiritual friendship. We are in bed with a Hollywood version that sex=intimacy and romantic closeness is the highest form of intimacy on earth. We have very little faith in friendship–the virtues, skills, and practices of a spiritual friendship which leads us to reverence and sacred oneness.

  5. Does not the finger love the kidney, or the ear love the eye, or the lungs love the the ribs. Are they ‘one’ ‘in’ the ‘body’, yes, and they ‘serve’ one another, and one ‘member’ isn’t superior to another, as they all come ‘under’ the Head.

    As we awaken to “Body Life’ in Christ we begin to see not only do we submit to one another, that we love one another, and this love is pure, kind, and uplifting, virtuous, sincere, and true.

    We love the love that we ‘see’ ‘in’ one another, and we love all with the hope that they also ‘see’ His Love.

  6. Jamal, you have lit my fire for this reply. I loved how David’s love for Jonathan was pictured. I see that this book has the power to “sandblast” the cobwebs and reveal the true meaning of what God created in the dynamics of relationship. The book, for some, will plane away the veneer to the raw reality of God’s purpose on earth: bonding intimacy in relationships that glorify Him, not the earthly flesh and feelings of humanity. Only Jesus made the way for that in the New Covenant. In God-honoring, intimate relationships, exposure of the flesh will just bubble up in the heat of iron sharpening iron…because conflict is unavoidable. The humility required is too high and too deep except for God’s grace at work in hearts to creat the will in us to do His pleasure. In John 17:21-23 we can see this in Jesus’ words ” 21 that they *all* may be one, **as** You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that **the world** may believe that You sent Me. 22 And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.”

    He tells us in John 13:34 to love each other AS we have been loved. And who can grasp THAT (?), except through Christ in us, the hope of glory. It trumps the “…and love your neighbor as you love yourself” which was the commandment in the Old Covenant. Oh man! This book will blow the doors off. In our “Self” we have no capacity to love as we have been loved.

    Even as He suffered, crying out, “It is finished!”, (oh, this just occurred to me) He was in the most extreme experience of romancing humanity in proving His love.

    Only in a fairy tale romance, the entertainment world did its best when it produced “Robin Hood”. Constantly he risked his life as the love in his heart drove him to accomplish…only in a fairy tale.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 1, 2013 at 6:24 pm

      Great comment Lindy. It’s incredible that this ‘fairy tale’ like love is becoming our reality:)

  7. I look forward to the interview. Thanks for writing courageously brother!

  8. Jamal, I have the privilege to walk out this “intimate, deeply passionate, yet non-romantic relationship” with my closest male friend for over 10 years years now even though I am happily married for almost 30 years. My husband understands and supports this relationship and is not threatened by it. Yeah, when you have this kind of friendship and have a happy, fulfilling marriage you know the Father created it and is the centerpiece of it…

  9. Dangerous thinking. I have a question. We know the “church” is biblical so why don’t you use all this energy and knowledge to change the things about the church you claim to be wrong? Get involved or grow the existing church to be more Christ exalting and equipping them with the knowledge of the truth in behavior and obedience. Also how do you address the men and women that have lost their lives for hundreds of years fighting to protect the purity of the churches, do you feel God has blessed you with a new radical way of worship that they didn’t have?

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 2, 2013 at 3:08 am


      Thanks for reading and offering your thoughts. I don’t think this is a book or conversation that you would enjoy. I have one thought that I’d like to share with you, however.

      I deeply love the church. I am committed to the church. I think, however, that we have vastly different understandings of what the church (body of Jesus Christ) actually is. I am not committed to the institutional religious system which is commonly confused as being the New Testament church. It is not. I have left the institutional religious system, but I have not left the church. Actually, quite the opposite.

      I left the institutional religious system in three major steps. I wrote an article about my journey out of the religious system if you’re interested. Here is the link: http://jamaljivanjee.com/?p=1726

      • I too have little respect for the “institution” of the Church, but I don’t see how that has anything to do with being careful in relationships.
        I think this notion is naive. We are not yet glorified. We still have our flesh to deal with.
        Jesus was perfect, and sinless, and completely able to control whatever desire or temptation may have confronted Him.
        It’s not about fear, it’s about common sense.

        • Jamal Jivanjee April 4, 2013 at 7:34 pm

          Will, thanks for reading and for sharing your comment. I’d like to share an article with you that I wrote titled: ‘The Biggest ‘Cover Up’ is Occurring Right Under Your Nose’. Here is the link:


          Blessings to you.

    • “Dangerous thinking” I second that. It appears to me that you are going down a path that has been tried before and it lead into error. I cannot follow. I think you are desiring to do well, however, are inadvertently making a mockery of sacred marriage in order to increase brotherly/sisterly love. Some of the ideas I read in this book seam sacrifice Marriage on the alter of “Organic Church Life”. I did that for 12+ years serving in the institutional church and my family suffered for it. Ever hear of “Preachers Kid Syndrome?” This idea you are toying with would take us all right back there. Scripture is clear to show that a man who does not care for his family first is not fit to serve in affairs of the body. After I got it right in my own family, Organic Church Life became a reality. Our close knit “Extended Family” is great, but family will always come first and hold the highest importance. My children and wife give a loud HERE!! HERE!!

      • Jamal Jivanjee April 2, 2013 at 8:18 pm


        Thanks for reading and sharing your concerns. Obviously I strongly disagree with your assessment. I think you simply misunderstand the order of things. The concepts in this book in no way make a mockery of marriage in the least. Marriage is a shadow of a greater reality. I strongly disagree with your assessment that the ‘shadow’ should outshine the ‘reality’. I think that is why typical relationships in church life are sadly lacking in intimacy. A true understanding of organic New testament church life includes the family within the fabric of the relationships that are built in the body of Christ.

        I hope you will tune into the interview tomorrow (Wednesday) in which the author will address your concerns further.

  10. I had been pondering how Jonathan and David’s relationship relates to the new covenant. I can remember a meeting of the men’s group I was apart of while working at a summer camp in Missouri. My guys leader seemed to think that each person should have one person that is their “Jonathan”. I thought this was great, but then I later came across a passage in Colossians (2:2) that speaks of the colossians hearts beeing “knit togeather in love”. This sounds a lot like the moment Jonathan realizes his love for David in 1 Samuel 18 and his soul is knit to David’s. That got me thinking “why just one person of the same sex? Why not as many as possible and at least the local ekklesia you belong to?” I think I’m going to have to get this book.
    Thanks my brother

  11. Being in a loving relationship with other members of the body of Christ is being “built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit”. But though this post maybe perceived as radical by some, it actually does harken back to the times of the early church. I would direct you to the following verses:

    Romans 16:16 
    Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you.

    2 Corinthians 13:12
    Greet one another with a holy kiss.

    1 Peter 5:14
    Greet one another with the kiss of love.
    Peace to all of you who are in Christ.

    I think it is clear both Peter and Paul understood this. When we love one another with their highest good in Christ as our focus, when we seek to exalt Him in all aspects of our relationship, with passion correctly focused upon our King, purity is a natural outflow. Much like the tree that does not have to strive to bear the fruit it was created to bear…

  12. Love this post. I’ve wanted to romance you for the longest time now.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 2, 2013 at 4:28 pm


      There is something a bit different about your comment here than the rest. I can’t quite put my finger on it, however;)

  13. This is the FIRST time I’ve heard someone talk about this subject! Whew!! I am not so off, after all!! I have always had a deep love for everyone, no matter the sex. But boy have I been hurt (in the past) many times by the rejection of this pure love of God. I was so naive….I just loved people, everyone, but the rejection of that love became an attack on me many times, that I took personally, that I was doing something wrong, even sometimes accused of flirting. I didn’t understand why, because in my eyes I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was just being myself, Jesus was loving people through me (just like I saw my parents do). I began withdrawing my love and it was stifled inside of me, and it was not a good feeling. I started going along with the norm and keeping my distance from guys, in fear they would “get the wrong idea”, or judge me wrongly. The accuser (the devil) attacked me many times with lies and I lost much of the freedom of loving and shining God’s light through me, that I once had. And this is such a sad thing for the Body of Christ!! I am so happy to hear you talk about this, that it IS God’s we deeply love one another, and that it’s truly possible, with the opposite sex, no matter if we’re married or single. This is freedom, this is Christ, the beautiful, pure Body of Christ!! Oh how sweet and pleasant it is for us to dwell in unity, with love as the center!! How freeing, how powerful, how enlightening it is, when the true, pure love of God is truly present! I long for this. If people, men and women, could get ahold of this precious amazing love of God….oh, how our fears would be vanished, how our shortcomings would fade into His light, and how free we could be and experience HIM.

    • I just want to add that Jesus is our ultimate Romance (See Song of Solomon 1:1-4)!! (Mike Bickel has an excellent teaching on this) It is possible with both guys as well as gals. I’ve experienced it, and I’ve also seen men (not many times though), expressing their deep, intimate love for Jesus! It is a most beautiful thing. And when He takes that place in our lives, that number one place, when He is our All in All, our needs become met, and we have the key to mature into giving, loving adults, without selfishness.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 2, 2013 at 4:35 pm


      I absolutely LOVE your heart. I understand what you have went through completely. No sister, there is nothing wrong with you. You are tailer made for the kingdom of God! You are free to express the passionate love of Jesus Christ in spite of the misunderstandings that will come. No one can take this love from you.

      • Thank you, Jamal, for your encouragement!!! It means so much! I will keep loving, being even more confident and free now, like I use to be! You also have such a loving heart and thank you for your passion for the Body of Christ! I have the same passion. To see HIM expressed fully through us!

  14. Thank you! I have always felt this and my longing for what you describe has grown with each word you wrote and each comment which followed. Thank you for putting into words what very few have ever known or written. I can think of about five people I have known, apart from the Lord, who walk this way.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 2, 2013 at 4:37 pm

      My pleasure Frances. I hope you will tune in for Wednesday’s blog interview with the author of this book. Blessings to you!

  15. And, interestingly enough, I was reading exactly that scripture about David and Jonathan this morning and talking with the Lord about it. Thanks!

  16. Looking forward to more Jamal. What this book seems to propose will probably be scary to many, as you have said, but it should be liberating for christians. Have had a lot of thoughts on this topic and I am glad to see it is being talked about.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 3, 2013 at 6:29 am

      So glad to hear this conversation is confirming what you are already being awakened to. Blessings!

  17. Jamal,
    I enjoyed reading this post and most of the comments. The truth is, our greatest need has always been the need for heart intimacy, we are wired this way. It is in our heavenly DNA. Because the Lord desires and longs for intimacy, so do we. As it is true, that a right revelation of the Lord Jesus Christ will automatically lead to a revelation of His Body, it is also true that an increased enjoyment of intimacy with the Lord will lead to an increased desire for intimacy with our siblings in our Father’s house, whether being sisters or brothers alike. It is the Lord Himself who frees us and renews our minds, so that our understanding gets in line with what our spirits long for. It can only be done by Him and in Him and it is a wonderful blessing, is like heaven on earth, just what Jesus prayed and died for.
    Need to order the book and read it, thanks for recommending it.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 3, 2013 at 3:40 am


      Amen! You’re going to love this book. Thanks for sharing. This statement you made completely sums up this entire discussion:

      “Because the Lord desires and longs for intimacy, so do we.”

      That really says it all, doesn’t it?

      Love you!

    • Amen, Marsela! I love what you wrote.

  18. Hey bro – I really appreciate the doors-of-freedom that books and posts like this swing open. Good stuff.

    I think many people’s “concerns” are valid too, bcs there are lots of Christians who are spiritual teenagers (but in adult bodies, so that can be confusing), and we’ve all seen teenagers run wide-open taking license with freedoms that they don’t have the character to handle. The NT has tons of admonitions to not take our freedom as license and continue in the lust of the flesh. But that doesn’t change the reality that the freedom Christ has provided is indeed the vision of standard of freedom that He has for His people. To me, the key is having the blessing of much relational transparency to encourages the godly growth of loving & clean relationships, but quickly checks license/lust when the train begins to go off the tracks.

    I’ve seen several people catch this revelation and attempt to walk it out, but the “organic controls” of real & intimate relationships weren’t there, and so there was enough relational dark-spots (as opposed to there being lots of “light” from knowing and being known, [transparency] on a daily basis) for lines to be crossed and lives to be messed up.

    So the “walking out” of this real and true freedom has the best opportunity to happen and be what the Lord intends in the context of a strong organic church-life, bcs this is an environment that has many and powerful, normal, loving, intimate, relational checks and balances where there’s much less room for darkness/lust/license to go unchecked.

  19. 1st of all, I am SO excited to read this book!! Very early in my new birth, I joined a horse ministry which served physically & mentally challenged children with therapeutic riding. I was new to the area & it was an hour away in rural Kentucky. I thought I would ride with the guy who headed it up, but quickly found out that we had to both drive separately due to the fact we were both married to different people….it shocked me at 1st, then I figured I just didn’t know what was correct and what was incorrect. Something nagged at me. Who was I to think it was dumb to waste gas & ride alone? I was 3 years old the 1st time I was sexually molested. Jesus has healed me from many of my past experiences, but I have a ways to go before I comprehend exactly what God’s original intentions are, especially after a decade of institutional church trying to place me back to where I had come from. Thank you, Jamal for braving this path for me. Always pointing to the freedom that Jesus died to give me.

    • Shelby, I’ve heard of similar experiences or have experienced it myself. I even heard a leader at a church where I live in Nashville talk about how she and her husband have a rule that neither of them will be seen riding in a car or having lunch with someone of the opposite sex who is not their mate. She also said that if she was traveling to a church to speak or to a conference, she would always make sure her hosts knew that a woman was to pick her up at the airport, not a man, unless he was with another woman. Her justification for all of this is the “make no appearance for evil” – not wanting anyone to ever have the opportunity to gossip or think something was going on if she or her husband were seen with a member of the opposite sex without each other being there as well. I get her point of view, but I also felt when I heard it that there is so much fear aligned with that. It actually creates awkwardness and stirs up fear in one another. And it also breeds fear of man – fear of what others will think of me. A lot of this same type of teaching was going on in my church in collage and I often felt the awkwardness from guys as we would try to relate to one another as friends. It’s like you could almost see the fearful thoughts shooting around in their heads – “is this appropriate? I enjoy her friendship, but will people think we’re dating because we’re hanging out one on one” – etc. And YES, people think those things all the time. I’ve been guilty of it too. But as stated above, that’s an issue of seeing things through our eyes of flesh and relating to one another only in the flesh. And I think it’s also a law based kind of thinking, which sadly, even the best and most “spirit-filled” churches tend to promote all the time. I do feel that because of this, I’ve missed out on some really potentially wonderful male friendships, which are SOOO needed, largely because of what these kinds of teaching have produced in me – FEAR – fear of the opposite sex. But I’m also aware I’m responsible for deconstructing those beliefs and choosing a new and more excellent way.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 4, 2013 at 7:37 pm

      The pleasure is all mine sister. Thank you for sharing.

  20. Hi Jamal,

    I’m looking forward to reading the book. This hits home with me and is something that has concerned me for a long time. I had been single from a divorce a number of years before I first went to a non-catholic church (about 23 years ago). I was single in that church for 4 yrs until I remarried then I was a married person in that church. I didn’t know during my single years there though that the Sunday school classes were segregated and so I wound up in the couples class. I don’t know how long it was before I realized it but when I did I thought I’d have to leave and go to the singles class (which I didn’t want to do) but they were very kind to let me stay.

    As time went on, years actually, I realized that everyone in the church was so segregated – married couples, singles, women, men, college students, high school students, children, babies, older men, older women, etc. But as I read in the New Testament I saw none of that and I thought, “how can the older men and women teach the younger?” It didn’t make sense to me. I also noticed there was such a hypersensitivity to sexuality, men and women were called not to be alone in the same room together etc. I see why that’s was necessary because with my own eyes I watched married members flirt and spend time with one another in the name of “ministry” fall into sin. It’s a longer story but my point is that I realized that these people weren’t living a life of faith, they were living in the flesh, they weren’t questioned because they took the members class and passed through the green light so they were good to go. And since they were involved in ministry it was as if there was no reason to hold anyone accountable…until the sin took place, then that was a different story. But they didn’t address the issues and problems at hand, even though they knew about it. And the people involved didn’t want to hear anything either.

    So it’s not that men and women can’t have relationships it’s that they must be living and walking by the Spirit, examining themselves and testing themselves in order to be able to free themselves from the passions of the flesh and it’s not possible because nothing is impossible with God and His promises are true. So that’s the ONLY way for a Christian to avoid a wrong relationship. The Spirit could never and would never guide anyone towards adultery. This is why we must examine ourselves and test ourselves to see if we’re in the faith (2 Cor 13:5) but that wasn’t happening.

    Also, I noticed then and still today that single people are patronized and are made to believe that finding a mate is their mission, as though they won’t be fulfilled until they do. This is not usually spoken but it’s certainly underlying. If someone is single others focus on them finding a spouse which causes the single person think that should also be their focus but it shouldn’t be that way.

    • Jamal Jivanjee April 12, 2013 at 4:03 pm

      Thanks for sharing your experience with us Lisa. I think you’re going to really like this book. It will be a breath of fresh air. Gone are the days of superficial, segregated relationships (in the name of purity). We are living in a heavenly reality in which true intimacy and oneness is possible among us all in Christ. What is impossible in the flesh is now made possible through the indwelling Spirit of Christ.

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