I Needed You For One Hour, Yet You Gave Me Your Home

November 22, 2013

Dear sister,

The time of my betrayal and accusation was upon me, and it was hard to breathe.  The internal pain from the rejection was far worse than any external pain I could experience.  I felt uncharacteristic desperation & suffocation in that moment.  I looked to my friends for help.  

I asked for an hour of their time.  

How ironic was this?  I had given everything to them.  I loved them with all my love.  I laid down my days to share with them.  Until then, I needed nothing from them except their acceptance of my love.  I desired to serve them abundantly.  On this night, however, the tables had turned.  

My strength left me.

My bones dried up.

My peace had gone.

The shoe was on the other foot now, and it was I who now needed from them.  This added to my anguish because I had come to serve, and could not on this night.  I also knew that they would be unable to sit with me in my anguish.  Nevertheless, my desperation compelled me to seek out their companionship for this dreadful hour.  

Their bellies were full and their day had been long, however.  Although they wanted to console me, their eyes for the natural realm kept them sedated and comatose.  Naturally, they fell asleep.  They didn’t see the temptation coming, and they fell into temptation.  

The temptation to fear.  

When my accusers opened their mouths to accuse, they became afraid and left me alone.  My dearest sister, not all left me in my hour of desperation however.  You were there.  I saw you.  Your love was stronger than the fear.  You adopted my anguish as your own.  I saw your tears.  You showed them to me openly.  As I silently stood before my accusers, I caught a glimpse of your eyes.  They were eyes of love.  You were there.  You had not left me.

As I was being beaten, I looked up and saw your eyes of love.  You were there.  You had not left me.  

As I was carrying my cross, you came to me at just the right moment to clean my face.  I saw your gaze as you served me.  I saw your eyes of love.  You were there.  You had not left me.  

Although it was not your cross, you took my cross as your own.  You carried it with me.  I looked up and received your gaze.  I again saw your eyes of love.  You were there.  You had not left me.  

As I hung there to die, I scanned the crowd looking for your eyes.  Even there, I saw your eyes of love.  You were still there.  You had not left me.  It is your eyes of love that have now become my home.  In my hour of anguish, you gave me a home in which to rest and dwell. 

Thank you.     

“And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour?  Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”.  (Matthew 26:40-41, NASB)

“As they were coming out, they found a man of Cyrene named Simon, whom they pressed into service to bear His cross”.  (Matthew 27:32, NASB)

“Many WOMEN were there looking on from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee while ministering to Him.  Among them was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee”.  (Matthew 27:55-56, NASB, emphasis mine)

“…But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.  When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing NEARBY, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!”  From that hour the disciple took her into his own household”.  (John 19:25-27, NASB, emphasis mine)

Jamal Jivanjee

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15 responses to I Needed You For One Hour, Yet You Gave Me Your Home

  1. your house is my house, and my house is your house, because we share the same ‘Home’

  2. Thank you Jesus for going to the cross to personally take our rejection, suffocation, accusation, desperation, betrayal, disappointment, disillusionment, and the like. So that now we don’t have to take these personally, and can be dead to them, through faith in You.

    • Thank you Jesus for the revelation that we are not seperate. Therefore, when we face rejection, suffocation, accusation, desperation, betrayal, disappointment, disillusionment, we know that you are sharing your sufferings with us. (Phil 3:10).

      • Yes! Amen Jamal!

        I know for me, as He’s allowed me to share in His sufferings, I’ve learned that He did the “heavy lifting” on the cross. And then by imparting His life into me, He is enabling me to carry the lighter burden of dying to my human reactions to the suffering and finding His spiritually overcoming responses to them. Glory!

        • I’m finding that to be my story as well. Realizing that the accusations and darts that come our way are not really against us personally but are a reaction to His life in us have been helpful in avoiding fleshly responses. We don’t battle against flesh and blood. Those who put Jesus to death had no idea what they were doing. The same is true for those who accuse us thinking they are doing the work of God. He is reliving His life through us, and we experience extreme fellowship with Him in the mutual suffering.

          • Amen. He was perfect & sinless, & we’re not. So, when we’re experiencing opposition, sometimes it’s an attack on the Lord in us, and sometimes it’s the Lord refining/pruning something about us.

            Either way, as we take it to Him, we are strengthened in spirit, & His kingdom is advanced.

            • We should never be confused about the difference between an attack on Christ’s expression in and through us, and legitimate correction and pruning from the Lord. They are night and day different. He has given us His very own nature and conscience in our inner being. When legitimate correction comes from an external source, even though it may be unplesant, it will resonate and be revealed to our new nature in us at some level. If it doesn’t resonate with our conscience / spirit, it’s not legitimate for us. Failure to understand this difference is why so many confuse religious accusation and satanic darts (often masked as wisdom) with the Lord’s voice.

              Although Jesus was sinless in His flesh, He didn’t live by His flesh. He lived by His Father’s life in Him, and we can also by-pass our flesh the same way. He has called us, and empowered us, to love in the exact same way He did; by divine indwelling life. Part of loving is not accepting accusation, taking the beating, and recognizing those who have continued to remain with us.

              • I hear you loud and clear, bro; really do. Ideally we “shouldn’t” be confused abt the diff; but in reality, we’re spiritually growing humans, and certainly can be. Praise God for our brothers and sisters who can provide objective witness to help us discern the diff and sort out our reactions to it, and we don’t have to be lone rangers listening only to the voices in our own heads.

                And I totally agree that Christ’s life inside us will empower us progressively grow more and more into loving with His love, and to wisely guard our hearts by not accepting false accusation or taking beatings that are not from Him.

                Much sincere love, honor, & respect to you bro. It’s very obvious that you have spent much time with Jesus, beholding Him deeply; bcs you are truly a mighty man of the spirit, lover of Christ and His bride, and a rare and precious gem of a brother. It’s a huge blessing to have the privilege of sojourning with you.

                • For me, not being confused about the difference between satanic accusation and legitimate correction from the Lord is not an ‘ideal’ to eventaully grasp, but a foundational way to live. He has explicitly given us the ability to discern within ourselves without the need to be manipulated or controlled from an external source. Of course, the Lord has not called us to walk this out as ‘lone rangers’ but with others in safe relationships. Safe relationships are the ones that help us discern what our spirit already knows and they also help us recognize the voice of the accuser. In my experience, those who see their role as a ‘pruner’ or ‘correcter’ of the branches are the ones who are not free. Branches don’t have a job description of ‘pruning’ the other branches. It’s the Father’s role to prune His vine tree. Folks who themselves do not know the difference between satanic accusation and the Lord’s voice project accusation on others and label it correction or wisdom. Often, it is neither.

                  You also are a rare and precious gem. Thank you for speaking this about me and my true identity here in this conversation. I receive it and appreciate it more than you know:) Love you!

      • This is one of those verses I have continued to come back to questioning the suffering part because I just couldn’t understand it, knowing He suffered all already. Thank you for this two sentence explanation.

  3. When we look into the eyes of LOVE …. We know we are home !!!

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