The time of my betrayal and accusation was upon me, and it was hard to breathe. The internal pain from the rejection was far worse than any external pain I could experience. I felt uncharacteristic desperation & suffocation in that moment. I looked to my friends for help.
I asked for an hour of their time.
How ironic was this? I had given everything to them. I loved them with all my love. I laid down my days to share with them. Until then, I needed nothing from them except their acceptance of my love. I desired to serve them abundantly. On this night, however, the tables had turned.
My strength left me.
My bones dried up.
My peace had gone.
The shoe was on the other foot now, and it was I who now needed from them. This added to my anguish because I had come to serve, and could not on this night. I also knew that they would be unable to sit with me in my anguish. Nevertheless, my desperation compelled me to seek out their companionship for this dreadful hour.
Their bellies were full and their day had been long, however. Although they wanted to console me, their eyes for the natural realm kept them sedated and comatose. Naturally, they fell asleep. They didn’t see the temptation coming, and they fell into temptation.
The temptation to fear.
When my accusers opened their mouths to accuse, they became afraid and left me alone. My dearest sister, not all left me in my hour of desperation however. You were there. I saw you. Your love was stronger than the fear. You adopted my anguish as your own. I saw your tears. You showed them to me openly. As I silently stood before my accusers, I caught a glimpse of your eyes. They were eyes of love. You were there. You had not left me.
As I was being beaten, I looked up and saw your eyes of love. You were there. You had not left me.
As I was carrying my cross, you came to me at just the right moment to clean my face. I saw your gaze as you served me. I saw your eyes of love. You were there. You had not left me.
Although it was not your cross, you took my cross as your own. You carried it with me. I looked up and received your gaze. I again saw your eyes of love. You were there. You had not left me.
As I hung there to die, I scanned the crowd looking for your eyes. Even there, I saw your eyes of love. You were still there. You had not left me. It is your eyes of love that have now become my home. In my hour of anguish, you gave me a home in which to rest and dwell.
“And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”. (Matthew 26:40-41, NASB)
“As they were coming out, they found a man of Cyrene named Simon, whom they pressed into service to bear His cross”. (Matthew 27:32, NASB)
“Many WOMEN were there looking on from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee while ministering to Him. Among them was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee”. (Matthew 27:55-56, NASB, emphasis mine)
“…But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing NEARBY, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household”. (John 19:25-27, NASB, emphasis mine)