I've come to a conclusion that you might find a bit disturbing. Most people who assume to know me, really do not. This isn't due to a problem with me. I'm not hiding anything. It's simply a fact of life. I accept it fully.

This isn't unique to people in my life only, however. It's true for most of us.

I've discovered that for most people, the closer the relationship they may have with someone, the less they truly know them, and the less they know you.

To truly know someone, we must witness or see them as they are in reality.

I know this might sound a bit bizarre, but hear me out. The fact is, we all look at the world and others through a pair of proverbial 'glasses' so to speak. These glasses have tainted lenses. The closer you get to someone, the more you see them through your own set of lenses.

For most people, they don't see others the way they actually are. They see others the way our lenses are prescribed to see them. This is unconscious as we are not the ones who set the prescription for the lenses we are wearing.

Most husbands & wives have rarely seen each other.

Most parents have rarely seen their children, and most children have never seen their parents. (This is true almost 100% of the time)

Most friends have rarely seen their friends or have been seen by their friends.

Most coworkers and family members hardly ever truly see one another.

And here is the real kicker... Most people have never truly seen themselves.

I witness this phenomena all the time. If I had enough time to talk with you about this, I could prove this phenomena to you. If you love and care about people and desire to know the truth about life and reality, this fact can be a bit unnerving.

So, what are the lenses we are seeing our loved ones through?

To put it quite simply, these lenses are our own story.

Our story is complicated and heavy. Our story can be difficult to detect because it masquerades as truth. Our stories are constructed by true events from the past. These true events are then used to paint a false premise about ourself.

To make matters worse, our story accumulates and grows over time. These story glasses grow thick and bulky and distort everything in view as these lenses are constructed with shades of shame, victimhood, lack, and inadequacy.

When we see others through these lenses, we project the shame, lack, victimhood, and inadequacy of our own story onto others. Again, this is done unconsciously, not intentionally. This then contributes to their story and the cycle continues ad nauseam.

In order to truly see others the way they are, we will have to first learn how to see ourself from beyond the lens of story. This is because all relationships are a manifestation of our relationship with self. What we see in self is ultimately what we see in others.

True vision and knowing of self is a narrow path that passes through the even narrower gate of truth. Those who intend to pass through this narrow gate will have to shed their oversized lenses of story.

While life beyond the lenses of story is easy, taking those lenses off isn't simple. If it was, most people would have already done it. It requires devotion, commitment, and consistency of action through a distinct process.

As we learn to see others from beyond the lens of story, we will begin to see them as they are. This is because we will see and experience them as we are. Perfect, stable, evolving, and full of beauty. To see beyond the lens of story is the beginning of liberation. Only then are we free to love.

Going beyond the lens,

Jamal Jivanjee
Certified Mastery Method Coach, Author
Free To Love Coaching Solutions LLC